1 00:00:05,617 --> 00:00:08,149 I was always a church kid 2 00:00:08,150 --> 00:00:12,082 and I don't think I ever questioned God I don't I think I 3 00:00:12,083 --> 00:00:16,316 ever questioned why things happen the way they do 4 00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:19,491 and I have a tremendous number of questions now. 5 00:00:22,117 --> 00:00:23,616 I'm asking God things like 6 00:00:23,617 --> 00:00:26,816 “Why didn't you just stop this from happening?" 7 00:00:26,817 --> 00:00:29,016 He was reaching so many people 8 00:00:29,017 --> 00:00:31,449 why would God take him at that time? 9 00:00:31,450 --> 00:00:35,865 I would find myself really just literally crying out, screaming 10 00:00:36,817 --> 00:00:38,049 “Why do you need her now?" 11 00:00:38,050 --> 00:00:43,050 “Why now before he had a chance to see his baby?" 12 00:00:43,650 --> 00:00:46,149 “Don't you think she needs to be here with her children?" 13 00:00:46,150 --> 00:00:49,882 He was only 35; he was working through his PhD program 14 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,216 at the dissertation stage. 15 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:54,349 And I get in that vicious circle of why, why, why. 16 00:00:54,350 --> 00:00:57,016 why and it just consumed me. 17 00:00:57,017 --> 00:00:59,182 “What's God's message?" “What's He trying to tell me?" 18 00:00:59,183 --> 00:01:00,382 “Why is this happening?" 19 00:01:00,383 --> 00:01:02,316 It just didn't make any sense to me. 20 00:01:02,317 --> 00:01:05,059 I think it's changed my relationship with God. 21 00:01:06,617 --> 00:01:10,649 At a library like this one you can discover answers 22 00:01:10,650 --> 00:01:15,216 to many questions, answers found in books written by the best 23 00:01:15,217 --> 00:01:17,616 and brightest minds across the ages. 24 00:01:17,617 --> 00:01:20,216 And if you have trouble locating the information you're 25 00:01:20,217 --> 00:01:23,482 looking for a knowledgeable librarian can point you 26 00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:26,682 to the right section or even specific volumes 27 00:01:26,683 --> 00:01:28,249 to help narrow your search. 28 00:01:28,250 --> 00:01:31,416 That's the role we'd like to take today as we talk 29 00:01:31,417 --> 00:01:34,716 about important questions that are no doubt on your mind 30 00:01:34,717 --> 00:01:37,049 after the death of your loved one. 31 00:01:37,050 --> 00:01:37,916 When you're in the middle 32 00:01:37,917 --> 00:01:42,582 of grief there's usually one specific question even the best 33 00:01:42,583 --> 00:01:44,882 and brightest thinkers have a hard time answering. 34 00:01:44,883 --> 00:01:48,749 And that question is, 'Why?" 35 00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:53,716 Questions like, “Why did my 13 year old son die of cancer?" 36 00:01:53,717 --> 00:01:56,916 “Why did my brother murder his wife?" 37 00:01:56,917 --> 00:02:00,516 “Why did God let my wife suffer for so long?" 38 00:02:00,517 --> 00:02:04,416 “Why did God allow the doctors to make such a careless mistake?" 39 00:02:04,417 --> 00:02:08,716 “Why did my husband die at such a young age?" 40 00:02:08,717 --> 00:02:12,582 To begin our exploration of the why question let's turn 41 00:02:12,583 --> 00:02:16,149 to a story found in the greatest book ever written, the Bible. 42 00:02:16,150 --> 00:02:21,150 It's the story of a man named Job, he suffered a great deal 43 00:02:21,417 --> 00:02:25,782 and his response can serve as an example for relating to God 44 00:02:25,783 --> 00:02:28,349 when we don't understand what He's doing. 45 00:02:28,350 --> 00:02:33,350 [ Music] 46 00:02:41,950 --> 00:02:46,716 The Bible tells us that Job was a very wealthy and righteous man 47 00:02:46,717 --> 00:02:50,116 but in one day he was financially ruined, 48 00:02:50,117 --> 00:02:52,849 most of his servants were killed and all 49 00:02:52,850 --> 00:02:56,149 of his children died in a tragic accident. 50 00:02:56,150 --> 00:03:00,449 Today we're going to look at Job's response to his suffering 51 00:03:00,450 --> 00:03:03,449 and how God replied to his struggles and questions 52 00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:06,516 to see what we can learn about dealing with our pain 53 00:03:06,517 --> 00:03:08,582 and unanswered questions. 54 00:03:08,583 --> 00:03:11,382 One of the first things that we learn from Job is 55 00:03:11,383 --> 00:03:14,582 that it's okay for us to be honest with God and cry 56 00:03:14,583 --> 00:03:15,916 out to Him in our pain. 57 00:03:15,917 --> 00:03:18,782 Listen to some of the things Job said 58 00:03:18,783 --> 00:03:20,482 in response to his loss. 59 00:03:20,483 --> 00:03:25,483 “Why is light given to those in misery, and life to the 60 00:03:26,283 --> 00:03:29,282 bitter of soul, to those who long for death that does 61 00:03:29,283 --> 00:03:34,182 not come, who search for it more than for hidden treasure." 62 00:03:34,183 --> 00:03:36,882 He says, “What I feared has come upon me; 63 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:40,049 what I dreaded has happened to me." 64 00:03:40,050 --> 00:03:44,149 Job said, “I have no peace, no quietness; 65 00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:46,882 I have no rest, but only turmoil." 66 00:03:46,883 --> 00:03:50,116 Job finds himself in so much agony 67 00:03:50,117 --> 00:03:53,282 he wishes he had never been born. 68 00:03:53,283 --> 00:03:56,749 Job's words are an example of what we call lament 69 00:03:56,750 --> 00:04:01,716 and it's something that God actually invites all sufferers to do. 70 00:04:01,717 --> 00:04:04,816 Michael: A lament is a difficult conversation, 71 00:04:04,817 --> 00:04:09,749 that we have with God when we are sorrowful or when we are angry 72 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,149 or when we are confused. 73 00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:13,549 A lament by its very nature is a cry, 74 00:04:13,550 --> 00:04:16,849 it's a cry to someone who is there. 75 00:04:16,850 --> 00:04:20,449 It is a cry if you will to God himself. 76 00:04:20,450 --> 00:04:21,116 It's complaining 77 00:04:21,117 --> 00:04:24,349 to God saying, “I'd rather have had it this way or that way 78 00:04:24,350 --> 00:04:26,082 or I don't understand what you're doing." 79 00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:31,083 Lament is both natural and it's also a recognition 80 00:04:31,517 --> 00:04:34,482 in the human heart that there is someone there. 81 00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:37,916 And I think Christians need number one to embrace the fact 82 00:04:37,917 --> 00:04:41,516 that that's not only okay I think it's necessary 83 00:04:41,517 --> 00:04:44,116 that we are lamenting the death of a loved one. 84 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:49,117 [ Music] 85 00:04:53,983 --> 00:04:58,449 Phil: And that's very true the Bible describes God that way, 86 00:04:58,450 --> 00:04:59,516 that He keeps our tears in a bottle it says and kind 87 00:04:59,517 --> 00:05:03,749 that He keeps our tears in a bottle it says and kind 88 00:05:03,750 --> 00:05:05,286 of metaphorical language. 89 00:05:06,817 --> 00:05:09,349 Everyone knows that at a library 90 00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:13,016 like this one you're expected to keep your voice down so 91 00:05:13,017 --> 00:05:15,516 if you want to have a conversation go outside, 92 00:05:15,517 --> 00:05:17,682 there's certainly no yelling allowed inside. 93 00:05:17,683 --> 00:05:20,716 Sometimes when we're grieving we act 94 00:05:20,717 --> 00:05:24,049 like God has similar rules we think He doesn't want us 95 00:05:24,050 --> 00:05:27,182 to say much and He certainly doesn't want us crying 96 00:05:27,183 --> 00:05:29,616 out to him about the way we feel. 97 00:05:29,617 --> 00:05:33,182 But as Job and other people in the Bible demonstrate 98 00:05:33,183 --> 00:05:36,016 to lament is an expression of faith. 99 00:05:36,017 --> 00:05:40,382 Dr. DeVries: Lamenting is in its own sense a way of saying, “I trust you God, 100 00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:43,049 I know you're sovereign that's why I'm complaining to you." 101 00:05:43,050 --> 00:05:46,082 You don't complain to a person at the store 102 00:05:46,083 --> 00:05:50,716 who you think can't do anything about it; you say 103 00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:52,682 “I want to talk to the manager." 104 00:05:52,683 --> 00:05:55,216 But why is that? Because you're 105 00:05:55,217 --> 00:05:57,916 convinced the manager can solve the problem. 106 00:05:57,917 --> 00:05:59,982 Well, in a lament that's what we're saying 107 00:05:59,983 --> 00:06:01,282 we want to talk to the manager. 108 00:06:01,283 --> 00:06:04,516 The Psalms are a great example of that, 109 00:06:04,517 --> 00:06:09,517 the Psalms are really worship songs and yet the Psalms are 110 00:06:10,583 --> 00:06:15,583 so very honest about what it is to live in this world. 111 00:06:21,450 --> 00:06:25,882 And to have questions where you're saying, “How long, oh Lord? 112 00:06:25,883 --> 00:06:30,883 Why do the wicked triumph? Why do we suffer, 113 00:06:31,983 --> 00:06:34,616 we are your people, I don't understand." 114 00:06:34,617 --> 00:06:36,782 Sometimes we may be frustrated with God, 115 00:06:36,783 --> 00:06:41,783 sometimes He seems distant but lament is based on the faith, 116 00:06:43,183 --> 00:06:45,949 the belief that God is and His nature is 117 00:06:45,950 --> 00:06:47,349 that He's a God who cares. 118 00:06:47,350 --> 00:06:49,382 There was sort of this underlying implication 119 00:06:49,383 --> 00:06:52,282 that if you really love God you're not going to cry, 120 00:06:52,283 --> 00:06:55,249 you know you're going to just say, "The Bible, God wanted this 121 00:06:55,250 --> 00:06:57,682 to happen and I'm going to muscle through it." 122 00:06:57,683 --> 00:07:02,349 Lamenting and faith can go together. 123 00:07:02,350 --> 00:07:07,349 How do we know that, well of course the Psalms 124 00:07:07,350 --> 00:07:12,350 but we also see Christ, we see our Savior lamenting, 125 00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:18,250 He is lamenting in Gethsemane when He is going 126 00:07:19,050 --> 00:07:22,282 through more pain and suffering 127 00:07:22,283 --> 00:07:26,982 than any person has ever experienced and then 128 00:07:26,983 --> 00:07:31,616 in that greatest lament of all time, the greatest lament 129 00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:36,617 of all time is “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?" 130 00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:40,749 See we can say that. 131 00:07:40,750 --> 00:07:45,750 A lament is a sign of faith and not a sign of weakness. 132 00:07:48,617 --> 00:07:52,282 In a very simple way lament is hanging on, 133 00:07:52,283 --> 00:07:56,749 I may not like it, I may not understand it but you are a God 134 00:07:56,750 --> 00:07:59,282 who is worth hanging on to and of course the other side 135 00:07:59,283 --> 00:08:03,182 of it is we realize God's been hanging on to us all along. 136 00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:06,249 So through this process of grief I did learn 137 00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:11,250 that I could go to God with things that I was not proud of, 138 00:08:11,317 --> 00:08:16,216 things I would have thought, “Oh my gosh, I can never say 139 00:08:16,217 --> 00:08:21,082 that to God." With my anger, my disappointment, my confusion 140 00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:25,949 and realized that it was okay I could go 141 00:08:25,950 --> 00:08:28,149 to God with these things. 142 00:08:28,150 --> 00:08:31,816 So lament isn't anything I think that you need 143 00:08:31,817 --> 00:08:34,916 to teach someone, I think what you need to convince people 144 00:08:34,917 --> 00:08:37,882 of is that they are free to lament, the first lesson 145 00:08:37,883 --> 00:08:40,516 that you learn as an infant is 146 00:08:40,517 --> 00:08:43,682 if I cry long enough somebody will show up 147 00:08:43,683 --> 00:08:45,949 and I think that's a lesson that serves us well 148 00:08:45,950 --> 00:08:47,216 for the rest of our lives. 149 00:08:47,217 --> 00:08:51,549 And so I had a lot of just crying 150 00:08:51,550 --> 00:08:56,550 and just saying, 'Why, you know why this way Lord, why now?" 151 00:08:57,817 --> 00:09:02,817 And then the Holy Spirit would come and comfort me 152 00:09:03,683 --> 00:09:06,049 and would calm my spirit 153 00:09:06,050 --> 00:09:09,082 and it just...l may not have gotten the answer to the why 154 00:09:09,083 --> 00:09:12,182 but it was okay, it was a peace that came over me. 155 00:09:12,183 --> 00:09:15,282 If I cry long enough God's going to show up. 156 00:09:15,283 --> 00:09:20,149 God knows the deep hurts of living life in this broken world 157 00:09:20,150 --> 00:09:21,816 and He wants us to cry out to Him. 158 00:09:21,817 --> 00:09:24,716 But sometimes our assumptions 159 00:09:24,717 --> 00:09:28,749 about how God works intensify our suffering. 160 00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:31,649 Take Job for instance, he lived in a culture 161 00:09:31,650 --> 00:09:34,949 where people believe that if you did the right thing God would 162 00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:37,216 bless you and if you did wrong 163 00:09:37,217 --> 00:09:38,916 God would curse you with suffering. 164 00:09:38,917 --> 00:09:41,916 And since the Bible says that Job was blameless 165 00:09:41,917 --> 00:09:44,516 and upright it's easy to see why Job was so confused 166 00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:45,382 and upright it's easy to see why Job was so confused 167 00:09:45,383 --> 00:09:48,582 by his suffering perhaps you've been confused by this too. 168 00:09:48,583 --> 00:09:53,583 Vaneetha: If you live right God's going to do well by you 169 00:09:54,217 --> 00:09:58,049 and when Paul died that sort of shattered because I felt 170 00:09:58,050 --> 00:10:00,249 like I was following God, I was teaching Bible study, 171 00:10:00,250 --> 00:10:01,882 Like how could this happen. 172 00:10:01,883 --> 00:10:05,249 And some of us who have again a walk of faith kind of expect 173 00:10:05,250 --> 00:10:10,250 and assume not ever spoken that because we've paid tithe 174 00:10:10,983 --> 00:10:13,782 or been faithful or because we go to church each weekend 175 00:10:13,783 --> 00:10:15,649 or because we're kind to our neighbor 176 00:10:15,650 --> 00:10:17,116 that God kind of owes us. 177 00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:20,016 My sister, she lived like that perfect Christian life, 178 00:10:20,017 --> 00:10:22,916 you know she had done everything that we were asked to do 179 00:10:22,917 --> 00:10:25,482 so I kind of didn't understand then, 180 00:10:25,483 --> 00:10:26,649 she did everything she was supposed 181 00:10:26,650 --> 00:10:27,982 to do why did she have to go? 182 00:10:27,983 --> 00:10:32,983 I realized that I had a very kind of business relationship 183 00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:36,682 with God, I thought okay the rules are in the Bible, 184 00:10:36,683 --> 00:10:41,683 I'm following the rules, you're supposed to do what I want. 185 00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:46,049 We don't say that out loud but you know 186 00:10:46,050 --> 00:10:49,882 that somehow we then are in a good standing with God 187 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:52,282 and that He's going to shower us with those blessings. 188 00:10:52,283 --> 00:10:57,283 The Lord had blessed in many, many ways and at that point 189 00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:04,450 in my life I had more of this attitude or thinking 190 00:11:08,917 --> 00:11:13,917 that God was blessing us because of what we were doing 191 00:11:15,583 --> 00:11:20,583 and what we weren't doing and then when he was taken suddenly 192 00:11:21,750 --> 00:11:26,750 like that I was like you know what have we done wrong 193 00:11:27,117 --> 00:11:30,116 or what did we not do right. 194 00:11:30,117 --> 00:11:32,782 Believing that your plans are the same 195 00:11:32,783 --> 00:11:35,116 as God's is another wrong assumption 196 00:11:35,117 --> 00:11:37,016 that can intensify your suffering. 197 00:11:37,017 --> 00:11:39,582 I had polio when I was a child, so I was handicapped, 198 00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:42,216 grew up in hospitals and dealt 199 00:11:42,217 --> 00:11:45,516 with this disability my whole life so I really thought 200 00:11:45,517 --> 00:11:47,982 when I became a Christian at 16 that that was it, 201 00:11:47,983 --> 00:11:50,982 that I had my suffering and then life was going to be easy. 202 00:11:50,983 --> 00:11:55,482 And so when our son died I thought somebody has told me something 203 00:11:55,483 --> 00:12:00,316 wrong I should be done, it's somebody else's turn to suffer. 204 00:12:00,317 --> 00:12:05,317 I was raised in a obstensively Christian home, 205 00:12:06,317 --> 00:12:11,317 my father read scripture to us every day, he was a leader 206 00:12:14,617 --> 00:12:18,549 in the churches we were involved in. 207 00:12:18,550 --> 00:12:23,550 What got exposed three or four years before he died is 208 00:12:24,917 --> 00:12:28,116 that my dad had lived a horrendous double life. 209 00:12:28,117 --> 00:12:32,082 Because of what my dad had done he was basically on the street 210 00:12:32,083 --> 00:12:34,916 so we invited him to live with us. 211 00:12:34,917 --> 00:12:39,782 Now in my way of thinking I thought God would use this 212 00:12:39,783 --> 00:12:42,882 to lead him to repentance, restore our whole family 213 00:12:42,883 --> 00:12:44,949 and this would be the end of this story. 214 00:12:44,950 --> 00:12:48,816 When my father got sick I truly believed 215 00:12:48,817 --> 00:12:52,482 that through prayer God would heal him. 216 00:12:52,483 --> 00:12:57,483 And he had Parkinson's disease so he had 217 00:12:57,583 --> 00:12:59,216 that stiff shaky body, 218 00:12:59,217 --> 00:13:03,382 was walking up the steps one Sunday morning, fell back, 219 00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:07,949 fell back on his head, a huge wall clock came off and hit him 220 00:13:07,950 --> 00:13:11,816 in the forehead. He had very serious brain injuries 221 00:13:11,817 --> 00:13:15,449 and slipped in a couple days into a coma 222 00:13:15,450 --> 00:13:17,149 and in eight days he was dead. 223 00:13:17,150 --> 00:13:19,849 I felt like God had betrayed me. 224 00:13:19,850 --> 00:13:23,949 And it seemed impossible 225 00:13:23,950 --> 00:13:28,950 that God would let this story end this way. 226 00:13:30,450 --> 00:13:35,450 That we would be left with the horror of what this man had done 227 00:13:40,683 --> 00:13:42,082 and there would be no closure. 228 00:13:42,083 --> 00:13:46,649 We would never hear, “I'm sorry, please forgive me." 229 00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:51,650 but we would live in the midst of all that was left. 230 00:13:51,917 --> 00:13:56,249 I can remember when my dad died being at the hospital 231 00:13:56,250 --> 00:14:01,250 and five floors on the elevator by myself screaming at God. 232 00:14:01,450 --> 00:14:05,216 When I got to the bottom I was shocked at what had come 233 00:14:05,217 --> 00:14:08,816 out of me, I was mad that I was raised in this family 234 00:14:08,817 --> 00:14:10,749 where my dad was a fake. 235 00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:15,182 I was mad about the surface Christianity and I was mad 236 00:14:15,183 --> 00:14:16,982 for what all our family was going through. 237 00:14:16,983 --> 00:14:20,349 I was questioning the wisdom of God. 238 00:14:20,350 --> 00:14:23,649 When you basically say, “God I know this is what you're up to 239 00:14:23,650 --> 00:14:28,049 and this is going to happen because I have faith in you." 240 00:14:28,050 --> 00:14:31,382 And then when it doesn't happen and your dream gets shattered, 241 00:14:31,383 --> 00:14:32,982 not only does your dream get shattered 242 00:14:32,983 --> 00:14:34,882 but your faith gets challenged 243 00:14:34,883 --> 00:14:37,182 and your faith gets challenged unnecessarily 244 00:14:37,183 --> 00:14:39,049 because you had a false expectation. 245 00:14:39,050 --> 00:14:43,682 That thinking will make my experience of grief harder 246 00:14:43,683 --> 00:14:47,182 because now I can't understand how this God has promised good 247 00:14:47,183 --> 00:14:49,949 things would bring this bad thing into my life 248 00:14:49,950 --> 00:14:53,716 and so my experience of grief is shaped 249 00:14:53,717 --> 00:14:56,082 by the thinking that I bring to it. 250 00:14:56,083 --> 00:14:59,016 So we've seen that it's okay to honestly cry out to God 251 00:14:59,017 --> 00:14:59,816 So we've seen that it's okay to honestly cry out to God 252 00:14:59,817 --> 00:15:01,382 about how we're feeling. 253 00:15:01,383 --> 00:15:02,882 And we've also discovered 254 00:15:02,883 --> 00:15:05,249 that sometimes our wrong assumptions 255 00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:08,316 about God can intensify our pain. 256 00:15:08,317 --> 00:15:11,582 But even though you understand those things you 257 00:15:11,583 --> 00:15:14,849 probably still have a lot of why questions surrounding the death 258 00:15:14,850 --> 00:15:18,216 of your loved one, so how did God respond 259 00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:19,916 toJjob's why questions? 260 00:15:19,917 --> 00:15:22,549 H. Norman: Job asked the question why 16 times, 261 00:15:22,550 --> 00:15:25,382 did he ever get an answer? No, he didn't get an answer. 262 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:28,282 And then what happens is eventually 263 00:15:28,283 --> 00:15:30,149 God does show up at the end of the book, 264 00:15:30,150 --> 00:15:34,349 I think God shows up in response to Job's lament 265 00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:35,782 And it's interesting how people look 266 00:15:35,783 --> 00:15:38,549 at Job's life and they say he lost all these things 267 00:15:38,550 --> 00:15:40,349 but he got them all back. 268 00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:41,816 You know his cattle and his sheep 269 00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:44,482 and his donkeys are restored and he has more children 270 00:15:44,483 --> 00:15:46,482 but the point of the book of Job isn't 271 00:15:46,483 --> 00:15:48,449 that he gets his stuff back, the point of the book 272 00:15:48,450 --> 00:15:50,116 of Job is he gets God back. 273 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:54,249 Before the tragedy Job thought God operated a certain 274 00:15:54,250 --> 00:15:57,949 way but the loss of his wealth and family caused him 275 00:15:57,950 --> 00:16:00,849 to rethink his core beliefs about who God is 276 00:16:00,850 --> 00:16:05,850 and how He operates, in a sense Job lost the God he thought he 277 00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:08,982 knew but that gave him the opportunity 278 00:16:08,983 --> 00:16:11,816 to know God as He truly is. 279 00:16:11,817 --> 00:16:14,816 God reminded Job that He is not bound 280 00:16:14,817 --> 00:16:17,249 by anyone's misconceptions of who He is 281 00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:20,682 or how He should operate and when God revealed Himself 282 00:16:20,683 --> 00:16:24,282 to Job, Job realized his suffering provided him the 283 00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:28,116 opportunity to know God like never before. 284 00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:33,117 In Job 42, 3 and 5 Job says, “Surely I spoke 285 00:16:33,850 --> 00:16:35,982 of things I did not understand, 286 00:16:35,983 --> 00:16:39,216 things too wonderful for me to know 287 00:16:39,217 --> 00:16:44,217 My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you." 288 00:16:44,617 --> 00:16:49,249 Job realized that he didn't have the right to demand answers from God. 289 00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:51,616 What's more when we continue reading 290 00:16:51,617 --> 00:16:55,749 in Job 42 we see that his humility before God leads him 291 00:16:55,750 --> 00:16:58,049 to be sorry for his behavior and willing 292 00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:00,282 to change the way he thought about God. 293 00:17:00,283 --> 00:17:04,049 It's important to understand that he wasn't sorry 294 00:17:04,050 --> 00:17:07,882 for being honest with God, God invites us to do that, 295 00:17:07,883 --> 00:17:10,882 he was repenting for his narrow view of God 296 00:17:10,883 --> 00:17:14,782 and for holding God accountable to human standards. 297 00:17:14,783 --> 00:17:18,782 Job learned that God doesn't follow our rules 298 00:17:18,783 --> 00:17:21,516 and he saw God as He truly is. 299 00:17:21,517 --> 00:17:25,449 The story of Job is he had a new relationship with God 300 00:17:25,450 --> 00:17:29,249 because in the latter part of Job it says, “Before I had heard 301 00:17:29,250 --> 00:17:34,250 of you with my ears, but now I've seen you with my eyes." 302 00:17:35,117 --> 00:17:36,982 Michael: Job has this intimacy with God 303 00:17:36,983 --> 00:17:38,982 that he could have never imagined 304 00:17:38,983 --> 00:17:43,983 and the point is he wrestled, he laments he hangs on to God 305 00:17:46,017 --> 00:17:49,749 and he has this experience of God 306 00:17:49,750 --> 00:17:54,750 that he would have never had otherwise if he hadn't hung on. 307 00:17:54,850 --> 00:17:58,682 Some of you may be thinking getting a deeper relationship 308 00:17:58,683 --> 00:18:02,716 with God is nice but I still want answers. 309 00:18:02,717 --> 00:18:06,382 If that's how you feel you have to remember that one 310 00:18:06,383 --> 00:18:08,849 of the key lessons of the book of Job is 311 00:18:08,850 --> 00:18:11,316 that God doesn't owe us an explanation 312 00:18:11,317 --> 00:18:15,316 for why He allows suffering and remember even 313 00:18:15,317 --> 00:18:18,749 if you did get an answer from God you might not be able 314 00:18:18,750 --> 00:18:23,382 to understand it because His wisdom reaches far beyond ours. 315 00:18:23,383 --> 00:18:26,449 Dr. Loritts: One of the things we learn by reading the book of Job 316 00:18:26,450 --> 00:18:30,482 that we ought to grab a hold of is that nobody tells God what 317 00:18:30,483 --> 00:18:33,649 to do, when to do it and why He should do it. 318 00:18:33,650 --> 00:18:36,716 You know the book of Job is just such a fascinating study 319 00:18:36,717 --> 00:18:41,717 and job was a Godly man but he wasn't a perfect man and one 320 00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:48,250 of the lessons from the book is that God lovingly 321 00:18:48,883 --> 00:18:53,883 and graciously, but definitely puts Job in his place. 322 00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:57,249 Now not the same way that God speaks to Job's 323 00:18:57,250 --> 00:19:00,482 so called counselors who clearly displeased Him 324 00:19:00,483 --> 00:19:05,483 and were judged severely in this book but God does say to Job 325 00:19:06,383 --> 00:19:09,749 in a rather pointed fashion, “Were you there 326 00:19:09,750 --> 00:19:13,182 when the earth was made? Were you there 327 00:19:13,183 --> 00:19:17,416 when I fashioned various aspects of my creation?" 328 00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:22,417 And He helped His servant realize well there is a God 329 00:19:22,550 --> 00:19:23,949 and I'm not him. 330 00:19:23,950 --> 00:19:26,649 It doesn't mean that God didn't have compassion on Job 331 00:19:26,650 --> 00:19:30,316 because He did and He demonstrated 332 00:19:30,317 --> 00:19:34,349 that in the way He came toward him where Job kind 333 00:19:34,350 --> 00:19:37,982 of couldn't move and He revealed Himself to him 334 00:19:37,983 --> 00:19:42,983 but He said you know, “I have to be who I am and if you want 335 00:19:43,083 --> 00:19:44,716 to know me you're going to realize 336 00:19:44,717 --> 00:19:47,549 that who I am is not something you're going 337 00:19:47,550 --> 00:19:49,216 to fully understand." 338 00:19:49,217 --> 00:19:51,416 So that really helped me to go forward. 339 00:19:51,417 --> 00:19:54,216 Now He doesn't forbid us asking Him why 340 00:19:54,217 --> 00:19:58,316 but God is not going to be held hostage to our reasoning, 341 00:19:58,317 --> 00:19:58,516 He owes us no explanation. 342 00:19:58,517 --> 00:20:00,549 He owes us no explanation. 343 00:20:00,550 --> 00:20:04,916 Deuteronomy 29:29 tells me that just some things are secret 344 00:20:04,917 --> 00:20:07,349 to the Lord and if He was to go as far 345 00:20:07,350 --> 00:20:11,649 as to tell me why Michael died I don't think I have the brain 346 00:20:11,650 --> 00:20:13,316 capacity to figure it out anyway. 347 00:20:13,317 --> 00:20:17,216 Think about it if God responded positively 348 00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:18,982 to every question or answered every question 349 00:20:18,983 --> 00:20:22,216 that we ask it would be an erosion of His authority. 350 00:20:22,217 --> 00:20:25,182 We serve Him, it's not that He serves us. 351 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:29,849 Working through the why questions that took the longest 352 00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:34,716 for me because of her being so young, she was top in her class, 353 00:20:34,717 --> 00:20:39,282 she had so much going for her, she had her whole life ahead 354 00:20:39,283 --> 00:20:44,283 of her and the why questions you know, “Why her? Why now?" 355 00:20:45,583 --> 00:20:50,583 I had to learn how to let go and trust God especially 356 00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:52,482 when I don't know why. 357 00:20:52,483 --> 00:20:55,149 I just came to the realization 358 00:20:55,150 --> 00:21:00,149 that we don't always know why but that He's in control 359 00:21:00,150 --> 00:21:02,182 and that He knows best. 360 00:21:02,183 --> 00:21:03,882 Male Narrator: Although God won't respond 361 00:21:03,883 --> 00:21:07,249 to all your questions He is still your best source 362 00:21:07,250 --> 00:21:09,316 for help and guidance. 363 00:21:09,317 --> 00:21:14,317 Deuteronomy 29:29 a verse that tells us God keeps some things 364 00:21:14,583 --> 00:21:17,682 to Himself, reminds us that God 365 00:21:17,683 --> 00:21:19,749 will give you the information that you need. 366 00:21:19,750 --> 00:21:23,049 Dr. Emlet: The secret things belong to the LORD our God, 367 00:21:23,050 --> 00:21:25,282 but the things revealed belong to us 368 00:21:25,283 --> 00:21:26,616 and to our children forever, 369 00:21:26,617 --> 00:21:30,349 that we may follow all the words of this law. 370 00:21:30,350 --> 00:21:31,849 In other words 371 00:21:31,850 --> 00:21:36,082 God doesn't give all the whys and wherefores, 372 00:21:36,083 --> 00:21:40,682 the inner workings of His secret will and counsel 373 00:21:40,683 --> 00:21:45,683 but what He does reveal, He reveals enough 374 00:21:46,250 --> 00:21:49,616 that we know how to live accordingly 375 00:21:49,617 --> 00:21:51,582 but I don't have a specific answer 376 00:21:51,583 --> 00:21:55,416 as to why this particular form of suffering 377 00:21:55,417 --> 00:21:58,716 at this particular time in my life. 378 00:21:58,717 --> 00:22:02,982 And if I camp out there in a sense insisting that I've got 379 00:22:02,983 --> 00:22:06,016 to figure this out, that can erode my faith rather 380 00:22:06,017 --> 00:22:07,016 than build my faith. 381 00:22:07,017 --> 00:22:12,017 What I would hate to see a person do is become so hung 382 00:22:12,717 --> 00:22:16,016 up on the question they have that is not answered in the word 383 00:22:16,017 --> 00:22:20,482 of God that they discard all of the scripture as if to say 384 00:22:20,483 --> 00:22:24,116 because the Bible doesn't answer the particular question I have 385 00:22:24,117 --> 00:22:26,916 it's of no value to me as I grieve. 386 00:22:26,917 --> 00:22:31,882 I can either put my focus on the answers God has already given me 387 00:22:31,883 --> 00:22:35,982 that I can trust and rejoice in or I can put my focus 388 00:22:35,983 --> 00:22:39,882 on the one question that's not answered in the scripture 389 00:22:39,883 --> 00:22:44,149 and therefore ignore all the value He's given me in the word. 390 00:22:44,150 --> 00:22:47,516 Even though God doesn't reveal to us all of the answers 391 00:22:47,517 --> 00:22:52,382 to our questions He does reveal himself to us through His word 392 00:22:52,383 --> 00:22:53,816 and as we get to know Him better 393 00:22:53,817 --> 00:22:57,282 through studying the Bible it quiets our questions, 394 00:22:57,283 --> 00:22:59,582 just like God's revelation of Himself 395 00:22:59,583 --> 00:23:02,816 in the storm quieted Job's questions. 396 00:23:02,817 --> 00:23:06,149 And if were honest we'd have to admit that even 397 00:23:06,150 --> 00:23:10,282 if God spelled out for us exactly why He allowed our loved 398 00:23:10,283 --> 00:23:15,082 one to die it probably wouldn't be a good enough answer for us. 399 00:23:15,083 --> 00:23:19,749 Hollis: You know we didn't get a result of why Michael died 400 00:23:19,750 --> 00:23:23,316 until we got the autopsy report which was 8 weeks later 401 00:23:23,317 --> 00:23:26,549 and during that 8 weeks the question 402 00:23:26,550 --> 00:23:31,550 of why, it was just growing and growing and growing but even 403 00:23:31,650 --> 00:23:34,949 after getting the autopsy report and telling me what happened 404 00:23:34,950 --> 00:23:36,682 and why and everything 405 00:23:36,683 --> 00:23:39,049 that didn't answer my question of why. 406 00:23:39,050 --> 00:23:41,849 If God had explained to Job 407 00:23:41,850 --> 00:23:44,049 why he had to lose his children, 408 00:23:44,050 --> 00:23:45,516 why he had to be sick, 409 00:23:45,517 --> 00:23:47,549 why he had to lose everything he owned, 410 00:23:47,550 --> 00:23:50,116 if God had sat down and explained all the reasons 411 00:23:50,117 --> 00:23:54,482 to him, Job would still have had to have faced empty chairs 412 00:23:54,483 --> 00:23:56,482 at the breakfast table the next morning. 413 00:23:56,483 --> 00:23:59,049 So it doesn't change anything. 414 00:23:59,050 --> 00:24:03,882 And so I don't think God would ever say just 415 00:24:03,883 --> 00:24:08,216 because you understand the big picture it's not supposed 416 00:24:08,217 --> 00:24:09,782 to hurt any more. 417 00:24:09,783 --> 00:24:14,249 There is still a real loss in grief. 418 00:24:14,250 --> 00:24:16,916 One of the things our former Pastor said 419 00:24:16,917 --> 00:24:21,349 at the funeral he said, “If we knew why Melissa died, 420 00:24:21,350 --> 00:24:24,616 if we knew the why answer it wouldn't change anything, 421 00:24:24,617 --> 00:24:27,182 she'd still be gone." 422 00:24:27,183 --> 00:24:30,749 I just chose to live by faith that as long as God knows 423 00:24:30,750 --> 00:24:34,459 then I'm going to be fine. 424 00:24:36,117 --> 00:24:41,117 [ Music] 425 00:24:47,650 --> 00:24:50,816 Now earlier in this session we explained 426 00:24:50,817 --> 00:24:53,916 that God didn't give Job specific answers 427 00:24:53,917 --> 00:24:58,516 to his why questions instead God revealed Himself to Job in a way 428 00:24:58,517 --> 00:24:59,216 to his why questions instead God revealed Himself to Job in a way 429 00:24:59,217 --> 00:25:02,716 that quieted Job's questions and brought him to a place 430 00:25:02,717 --> 00:25:05,116 of acceptance and trust. 431 00:25:05,117 --> 00:25:07,316 And we can have the same experience. 432 00:25:07,317 --> 00:25:10,716 So let's take a moment to look at a few of the characteristics 433 00:25:10,717 --> 00:25:13,616 of God that can strengthen us as we recover 434 00:25:13,617 --> 00:25:16,016 from the deaths of our loved ones. 435 00:25:16,017 --> 00:25:18,916 The first is God's sovereignty. 436 00:25:18,917 --> 00:25:23,917 God is sovereign that means that there is a plan and purpose 437 00:25:24,883 --> 00:25:28,349 for everything in my life, there is no luck, 438 00:25:28,350 --> 00:25:31,282 there is no chance, there is no fate. 439 00:25:31,283 --> 00:25:35,616 A long time ago I was in a restaurant and I saw a placemat 440 00:25:35,617 --> 00:25:39,249 and on this placemat there was a story of a weaver 441 00:25:39,250 --> 00:25:42,182 and I memorized it. It goes like this. 442 00:25:42,183 --> 00:25:45,449 My life is like a weaving between my Lord 443 00:25:45,450 --> 00:25:50,450 and me. I do not choose the colors He weaveth steadily, 444 00:25:51,450 --> 00:25:56,149 oft times He weaveth sorrow 445 00:25:56,150 --> 00:26:00,082 and I in foolish pride forget He sees the upper 446 00:26:00,083 --> 00:26:03,016 and I the underside. 447 00:26:03,017 --> 00:26:06,882 Not till the loom is silent and the shuttle cease 448 00:26:06,883 --> 00:26:09,382 to fly will God unfurl that canvas 449 00:26:09,383 --> 00:26:14,383 and explain the reason why the dark threads were as needful 450 00:26:16,717 --> 00:26:21,683 in the Weaver's skillful hands as the threads of gold 451 00:26:21,684 --> 00:26:26,684 and silver in the pattern He has planned, there's a pattern. 452 00:26:29,684 --> 00:26:34,684 The Bible teaches us to trust God in the midst of our lives, 453 00:26:35,683 --> 00:26:40,416 He's given us enough knowledge of Himself so that we can say 454 00:26:40,417 --> 00:26:45,417 with job, “Though he slay me yet will I trust in him." 455 00:26:46,683 --> 00:26:51,223 He is utterly trustworthy and with that we can be satisfied. 456 00:26:53,383 --> 00:26:57,616 Sometimes people bristle at the idea that God is in control 457 00:26:57,617 --> 00:27:00,282 of everything, they can't stomach the thought 458 00:27:00,283 --> 00:27:04,216 that God allowed their child to die or wife to be murdered, 459 00:27:04,217 --> 00:27:06,449 if He is really in control why 460 00:27:06,450 --> 00:27:08,982 didn't he stop those things from happening. 461 00:27:08,983 --> 00:27:12,983 And we can understand why you might have similar questions, 462 00:27:12,984 --> 00:27:16,882 however by rejecting the sovereignty of God we give 463 00:27:16,883 --> 00:27:18,782 up more than we realize. 464 00:27:18,783 --> 00:27:20,482 You know during a time of grief we all have 465 00:27:20,483 --> 00:27:24,116 to decide what we're going to trust in and if we choose 466 00:27:24,117 --> 00:27:28,382 that God is not sovereign then where does that leave us? 467 00:27:28,383 --> 00:27:32,882 If God were not all powerful then there would be no guarantee 468 00:27:32,883 --> 00:27:37,016 that justice would ultimately prevail, there'd be no guarantee 469 00:27:37,017 --> 00:27:40,083 that evil would ever be ultimately punished 470 00:27:40,084 --> 00:27:41,616 or vanquished. 471 00:27:41,617 --> 00:27:43,116 There's no reason to expect 472 00:27:43,117 --> 00:27:48,117 that death would ever go away. 473 00:27:49,450 --> 00:27:52,349 And so if a person denies the sovereignty 474 00:27:52,350 --> 00:27:56,282 of God what you're saying is that evil might yet win. 475 00:27:56,283 --> 00:27:59,916 Well, we could trust in circumstances or we could trust 476 00:27:59,917 --> 00:28:03,149 in our own ability to make things better 477 00:28:03,150 --> 00:28:07,116 but that's a pretty weak philosophy when you take it 478 00:28:07,117 --> 00:28:09,782 out to the future because if I'm dependent 479 00:28:09,783 --> 00:28:13,982 on my own sufficiency that's hopeless in the days ahead. 480 00:28:13,983 --> 00:28:17,449 If I trust in random circumstances 481 00:28:17,450 --> 00:28:19,983 that too is hopeless but if I really believe 482 00:28:19,984 --> 00:28:23,016 that God is sovereign, He's in control even 483 00:28:23,017 --> 00:28:27,282 when He allows something that I don't like then as I think 484 00:28:27,283 --> 00:28:31,849 about the days ahead I can trust in His control for the future. 485 00:28:31,850 --> 00:28:36,682 I can trust in His plan for the future so the doctrine 486 00:28:36,683 --> 00:28:38,649 of the sovereignty of God is challenging 487 00:28:38,650 --> 00:28:40,883 but ultimately it is a source of great hope. 488 00:28:40,884 --> 00:28:43,349 God's the one that's in control, 489 00:28:43,350 --> 00:28:46,949 He has the plan, He knows the best plan 490 00:28:46,950 --> 00:28:51,950 and I'm not in control. 491 00:28:52,783 --> 00:28:57,783 Knowing that God is in control is a huge comfort to me; 492 00:28:58,617 --> 00:29:00,824 I don't have to work things out. 493 00:29:01,584 --> 00:29:10,197 [ Music] 494 00:29:11,117 --> 00:29:15,249 So this Pastor looks at us and says you have no right 495 00:29:15,250 --> 00:29:20,250 to be angry with God, can you believe that? My father died 496 00:29:20,450 --> 00:29:25,450 when I was 15, my wife suffered with cancer for 6 years 497 00:29:25,983 --> 00:29:30,983 and 2 years ago my grandson died. And I shouldn't be angry! 498 00:29:31,350 --> 00:29:35,016 I didn't realize that your father died when you were 15 499 00:29:35,017 --> 00:29:40,017 and I'm sorry about that 500 00:29:40,417 --> 00:29:45,417 and that young Pastor he didn't recognize your pain 501 00:29:45,783 --> 00:29:48,982 but he did have a point. 502 00:29:48,983 --> 00:29:52,049 After the tragic death of a loved one some people 503 00:29:52,050 --> 00:29:56,382 like Marlin get angry at God and question His goodness, 504 00:29:56,383 --> 00:29:58,016 however even in the midst of grief you should never forget 505 00:29:58,017 --> 00:29:59,982 however even in the midst of grief you should never forget 506 00:29:59,983 --> 00:30:02,782 that God has made the ultimate sacrifice 507 00:30:02,783 --> 00:30:06,026 to demonstrate His love and kindness. 508 00:30:06,883 --> 00:30:09,882 When my brother was killed in the plane wreck my dad 509 00:30:09,883 --> 00:30:12,216 and mom obviously grieved but one of the things 510 00:30:12,217 --> 00:30:15,549 that dad was incredibly helped by in the middle of his grief, 511 00:30:15,550 --> 00:30:18,716 dad and mother both, dad's mentor wrote dad a letter 512 00:30:18,717 --> 00:30:23,083 and he said, “You can always trust the man who died for you." 513 00:30:23,084 --> 00:30:27,182 The cross is God's ultimate demonstration of love, 514 00:30:27,183 --> 00:30:32,183 He sent His son to die the death that I should have died. 515 00:30:32,550 --> 00:30:36,682 I never doubt God's love because I know that Christ died for me. 516 00:30:36,683 --> 00:30:41,683 [ Music] 517 00:30:47,250 --> 00:30:52,250 Dr. Crabb: If God did that, gave His son for me then I cannot believe 518 00:30:53,117 --> 00:30:57,682 that there ever is a failure in His love 519 00:30:57,683 --> 00:30:59,582 in whatever happens in my life. 520 00:30:59,583 --> 00:31:02,682 The gospel is proof of God's goodness. 521 00:31:02,683 --> 00:31:07,683 This God who was certainly not obligated and had no need 522 00:31:08,250 --> 00:31:13,250 to save sinners like me, gave His only son 523 00:31:15,750 --> 00:31:19,582 with whom He had a fellowship for all eternity past, 524 00:31:19,583 --> 00:31:24,583 He gave His son to die in my place and suffer in order 525 00:31:26,117 --> 00:31:30,249 that blessing and life may come to me. 526 00:31:30,250 --> 00:31:34,016 God had, in that sense, no personal gain, 527 00:31:34,017 --> 00:31:39,017 He gave that we might experience eternal life and that is, 528 00:31:39,283 --> 00:31:41,483 that is the comfort of all comforts. 529 00:31:41,484 --> 00:31:44,416 God's nature is that He is good 530 00:31:44,417 --> 00:31:49,417 and my pain is blurring my perception of my reality. 531 00:31:50,350 --> 00:31:53,682 Interpret everything that happens in light of the cross. 532 00:31:53,683 --> 00:31:58,683 [ Music] 533 00:32:06,450 --> 00:32:09,816 God is intimately acquainted with grief 534 00:32:09,817 --> 00:32:12,549 because He sacrificed His own son to allow us 535 00:32:12,550 --> 00:32:14,449 to have a relationship with Him. 536 00:32:14,450 --> 00:32:17,616 This means that He understands what we're going 537 00:32:17,617 --> 00:32:21,483 through so He is a safe person to draw close to. 538 00:32:21,484 --> 00:32:25,349 The God that I understand is also a God 539 00:32:25,350 --> 00:32:28,249 that understands agony, understands suffering 540 00:32:28,250 --> 00:32:31,816 and God is here hurting with me 541 00:32:31,817 --> 00:32:34,683 but God is here walking with me. 542 00:32:34,684 --> 00:32:37,282 I have been a Christian since I was in second grade 543 00:32:37,283 --> 00:32:39,049 so I knew what God had done 544 00:32:39,050 --> 00:32:43,416 but when I lost my sister the empathy that I knew God felt 545 00:32:43,417 --> 00:32:48,417 for me just took on a whole new level, that when I was in pain 546 00:32:49,517 --> 00:32:52,149 that He got it because He had been there, 547 00:32:52,150 --> 00:32:55,083 not because He was God and He gets everything, 548 00:32:55,084 --> 00:32:58,216 but because He too had experienced it 549 00:32:58,217 --> 00:33:01,549 and if I felt this way about my sister how much more did He feel 550 00:33:01,550 --> 00:33:05,882 that way about His son who He voluntarily sacrificed. 551 00:33:05,883 --> 00:33:09,149 I began to realize I could draw closer to Him 552 00:33:09,150 --> 00:33:13,316 because He shares in our suffering. 553 00:33:13,317 --> 00:33:15,582 And so that helps me because so often 554 00:33:15,583 --> 00:33:19,083 like we've said people just don't always get it even your closest 555 00:33:19,084 --> 00:33:22,483 friends don't understand but the Psalm says we have one 556 00:33:22,484 --> 00:33:27,484 who has understanding without limit. 557 00:33:30,083 --> 00:33:32,049 So that just is a comfort to me first 558 00:33:32,050 --> 00:33:33,649 of all just a place I can go 559 00:33:33,650 --> 00:33:36,282 where sometimes I don't even understand how I feel 560 00:33:36,283 --> 00:33:38,049 and I'll say, “Lord I don't even know what's going on." 561 00:33:38,050 --> 00:33:39,416 And He understands. 562 00:33:39,417 --> 00:33:42,349 Then there's that one verse that's one of the shortest verses 563 00:33:42,350 --> 00:33:45,349 in the Bible that has become one of the most powerful 564 00:33:45,350 --> 00:33:50,216 verses for me in dealing with grief in John Chapter 11, 565 00:33:50,217 --> 00:33:54,683 two words, “Jesus wept." 566 00:33:54,684 --> 00:33:56,716 That word in the original language isn't just 567 00:33:56,717 --> 00:34:00,649 that He had a little tear that came down His face, He's weeping 568 00:34:00,650 --> 00:34:04,083 now here's whats mysterious about that, why is He crying? 569 00:34:04,084 --> 00:34:08,316 When He knows, He already said to His disciples earlier 570 00:34:08,317 --> 00:34:12,249 in the chapter that Lazarus is going to rise again, 571 00:34:12,250 --> 00:34:16,849 why is the one who is the resurrection and the life crying 572 00:34:16,850 --> 00:34:19,983 and weeping when He is going to raise Lazarus from the dead, 573 00:34:19,984 --> 00:34:24,182 but He still has the emotions of grief. 574 00:34:24,183 --> 00:34:27,182 Now we theologically will take that and say 575 00:34:27,183 --> 00:34:30,616 because He sees the impact of sin and what sin does 576 00:34:30,617 --> 00:34:33,282 and He's encountering the power of death, 577 00:34:33,283 --> 00:34:38,283 I get that but He wept, He wept. 578 00:34:38,483 --> 00:34:43,483 I'm glad I've got a Savior who cries for me. 579 00:34:43,783 --> 00:34:47,649 Even though He knows there's going 580 00:34:47,650 --> 00:34:52,650 to be resurrection He weeps, He weeps. 581 00:34:53,350 --> 00:34:57,516 [ Music] 582 00:34:57,517 --> 00:35:02,517 [ Music] 583 00:35:05,150 --> 00:35:10,150 Dave: We just enjoyed life so much and it was kind 584 00:35:10,217 --> 00:35:14,416 of the dream family we had four kids, they were all doing great, 585 00:35:14,417 --> 00:35:17,916 our two older daughters had graduated from college, 586 00:35:17,917 --> 00:35:22,716 and actually a week before we were at my daughter's college 587 00:35:22,717 --> 00:35:27,717 where she was graduating from Cedarville University. 588 00:35:28,250 --> 00:35:30,483 I just looked down the row and I just felt so blessed, 589 00:35:30,484 --> 00:35:35,483 I felt so proud, everything just seemed so perfect. 590 00:35:35,484 --> 00:35:40,416 Dave: She just was in awe of this family that God had given us. 591 00:35:40,417 --> 00:35:42,449 And then suddenly I just started feeling 592 00:35:42,450 --> 00:35:44,616 like a panic feeling. 593 00:35:44,617 --> 00:35:47,716 And she even said, “Please Lord don't let anything happen." 594 00:35:47,717 --> 00:35:52,182 Don't let anything happen to any of my children. 595 00:35:52,183 --> 00:35:54,082 And it was just five days later that Melissa was killed. 596 00:35:54,083 --> 00:35:59,083 Female Narrator: Dave and Sue's daughter, Melissa died in a car accident 597 00:36:01,117 --> 00:36:05,316 when she was 17 years old. Recovery was a slow process 598 00:36:05,317 --> 00:36:08,149 for her parents but their belief that God is 599 00:36:08,150 --> 00:36:13,150 in control helped them deal with the shock of Melissa's death. 600 00:36:13,550 --> 00:36:15,816 Dave: God is in control even 601 00:36:15,817 --> 00:36:17,849 in the worst situations that happen to us. 602 00:36:17,850 --> 00:36:20,316 On June 6th it was no surprise to God 603 00:36:20,317 --> 00:36:21,949 that Melissa's life was taken. 604 00:36:21,950 --> 00:36:25,749 He didn't go, “Oops, I misplaced Melissa," 605 00:36:25,750 --> 00:36:30,750 To me without God's sovereignty in this situation 606 00:36:31,217 --> 00:36:35,849 or any other we're left with chaos and randomness, 607 00:36:35,850 --> 00:36:39,749 there is no purpose for life. 608 00:36:39,750 --> 00:36:43,716 Female Narrator: Dave and his wife see how God is using Melissa's story 609 00:36:43,717 --> 00:36:47,816 for good and while that comforts them they're also aware 610 00:36:47,817 --> 00:36:50,749 that Melissa didn't have to die in order 611 00:36:50,750 --> 00:36:51,983 for good things to happen. 612 00:36:51,984 --> 00:36:55,783 Sue: Our daughter Julie moved to an area to teach 613 00:36:55,784 --> 00:37:00,316 at a Christian school two months after Melissa died, Julie shared 614 00:37:00,317 --> 00:37:03,716 with her students about Melissa dying and about her life 615 00:37:03,717 --> 00:37:07,482 and one little girl raised her hand and said I want 616 00:37:07,483 --> 00:37:09,949 to trust Jesus just like Melissa did because I want to go 617 00:37:09,950 --> 00:37:13,849 to heaven like she did. 618 00:37:13,850 --> 00:37:18,483 We were so thrilled to know that someone had accepted Jesus 619 00:37:18,484 --> 00:37:22,949 but I also felt like why did my daughter have to die 620 00:37:22,950 --> 00:37:25,082 so that someone else would accept Jesus, I thought there's 621 00:37:25,083 --> 00:37:27,549 so many other ways that she could accept Jesus. 622 00:37:27,550 --> 00:37:29,216 Melissa could have lived to a ripe old age, 623 00:37:29,217 --> 00:37:30,883 she could have glorified God through her life 624 00:37:30,884 --> 00:37:34,316 with having children and many, many things that she could have done 625 00:37:34,317 --> 00:37:37,249 and she would have done I think but I'm not God. 626 00:37:37,250 --> 00:37:42,250 I'm not omniscient, I'm not all knowing He is. 627 00:37:43,384 --> 00:37:48,384 [Music] 628 00:37:56,017 --> 00:37:58,349 Female Narrator: Although Dave and Sue believe God is 629 00:37:58,350 --> 00:38:01,649 in control they've struggled to trust a God 630 00:38:01,650 --> 00:38:06,650 who allowed their daughter to die. 631 00:38:07,050 --> 00:38:09,916 Trust is probably the hardest thing that I have trouble with. 632 00:38:09,917 --> 00:38:12,249 How do you trust Him and not feel 633 00:38:12,250 --> 00:38:15,049 like God's going to take another child 634 00:38:15,050 --> 00:38:17,449 and now we've got grandchildren in the picture, 635 00:38:17,450 --> 00:38:20,149 is something going to happen to somebody? 636 00:38:20,150 --> 00:38:24,382 [Music] 637 00:38:24,383 --> 00:38:28,316 Dave: Trusting God is more real now than before, 638 00:38:28,317 --> 00:38:32,749 before it was more an automatic thing we're believers, 639 00:38:32,750 --> 00:38:35,682 we put our faith in Christ 640 00:38:35,683 --> 00:38:39,016 and sure we trust God that's what we do as Christians. 641 00:38:39,017 --> 00:38:41,616 Now it's more of an active thing so we're not waiting 642 00:38:41,617 --> 00:38:44,049 for the other shoe to drop or anything like that or waiting 643 00:38:44,050 --> 00:38:49,050 for something tragic to happen, we feel our job now is 644 00:38:49,384 --> 00:38:52,749 to do the next step in the whole process and that is cling 645 00:38:52,750 --> 00:38:56,149 to God, trust Him, understand that He is sovereign 646 00:38:56,150 --> 00:39:00,483 and in control. And our lives are just going to have to be lived 647 00:39:00,484 --> 00:39:05,416 that way with the tragedy in our background but confidence 648 00:39:05,417 --> 00:39:10,416 that God knows what He is doing. 649 00:39:10,417 --> 00:39:13,583 Female Narrator: When Dave and Sue are tempted to rage against God 650 00:39:13,584 --> 00:39:17,249 for ruining their lives they remind themselves that God's 651 00:39:17,250 --> 00:39:21,249 plans do not center around them. 652 00:39:21,250 --> 00:39:25,082 And if we push God away we're saying you know what all this stuff 653 00:39:25,083 --> 00:39:28,083 you did for all these thousands of years doesn't work anymore 654 00:39:28,084 --> 00:39:33,084 because you messed up my plan, that makes it me centric, 655 00:39:33,650 --> 00:39:38,650 I'm the center of the universe then and it's not true and her death 656 00:39:38,817 --> 00:39:43,817 and her salvation, and her going to glory are part of the plan. 657 00:39:47,117 --> 00:39:49,416 Dave: You know one could look at God's sovereignty 658 00:39:49,417 --> 00:39:52,249 and say you're pretty cold and indifferent about your daughter, 659 00:39:52,250 --> 00:39:55,516 “It's okay God," it's not okay. 660 00:39:55,517 --> 00:39:57,516 Let me tell you it's not okay, I hurt every day 661 00:39:57,517 --> 00:39:58,416 Let me tell you it's not okay, I hurt every day 662 00:39:58,417 --> 00:40:01,549 for Melissa being gone but I can't bring her back, 663 00:40:01,550 --> 00:40:03,416 I'm never going to see her again, that hurts, 664 00:40:03,417 --> 00:40:05,849 I'm never going to throw a softball with her again 665 00:40:05,850 --> 00:40:09,249 or hug her or hear her come home and say it's all good 666 00:40:09,250 --> 00:40:10,683 which is one of her favorite sayings. 667 00:40:10,684 --> 00:40:15,684 So it hurts like everything to have her gone. 668 00:40:17,117 --> 00:40:20,483 But then on the other side I have to, I have to think 669 00:40:20,484 --> 00:40:23,116 through the theology of it, He knew what He was doing 670 00:40:23,117 --> 00:40:27,083 and we still love Him and if we can have that be the message 671 00:40:27,084 --> 00:40:30,682 and God be glorified through this tragedy then as much 672 00:40:30,683 --> 00:40:35,116 as it hurts we're going to be good with it. 673 00:40:35,117 --> 00:40:38,530 [ Music] 674 00:40:39,684 --> 00:40:43,582 Hopefully today your ability to trust God in the midst 675 00:40:43,583 --> 00:40:46,016 of difficulty has grown even though 676 00:40:46,017 --> 00:40:48,016 you don't have all of the answers. 677 00:40:48,017 --> 00:40:50,883 Be sure to look at your workbook this week to learn more 678 00:40:50,884 --> 00:40:55,049 about the answers God has for you during this time of grief, 679 00:40:55,050 --> 00:40:58,349 you'll find the daily From Mourning to Joy exercises 680 00:40:58,350 --> 00:41:01,593 to be helpful, encouraging and informative. 681 00:41:01,984 --> 00:41:04,249 In this week's From Mourning 682 00:41:04,250 --> 00:41:08,016 to Joy exercises you'll learn more about Vaneetha 683 00:41:08,017 --> 00:41:10,483 and how she dealt with the why questions 684 00:41:10,484 --> 00:41:12,760 after her infant son's death. 685 00:41:13,217 --> 00:41:17,116 At the next GriefShare session we' ll discuss some 686 00:41:17,117 --> 00:41:20,349 of the factors that make it difficult to heal from grief. 687 00:41:20,350 --> 00:41:23,083 It's easy to look at all the what if scenarios. 688 00:41:23,084 --> 00:41:25,983 We moved to Blacksburg a year 689 00:41:25,984 --> 00:41:30,984 and a half before Austin was killed, 690 00:41:31,817 --> 00:41:33,316 what if we hadn't you know 691 00:41:33,317 --> 00:41:35,016 she never would have been at Virginia Tech. 692 00:41:35,017 --> 00:41:37,016 I think if I'd have talked to the doctors more, 693 00:41:37,017 --> 00:41:40,149 if I'd of had him go to more tests, if I'd have said this, 694 00:41:40,150 --> 00:41:41,449 if I had said that. Then maybe 695 00:41:41,450 --> 00:41:42,485 things would have turned out differently. 696 00:41:43,250 --> 00:41:45,616 We're sure you still have questions 697 00:41:45,617 --> 00:41:49,583 about what God is doing and why you're hurting so much, 698 00:41:49,584 --> 00:41:52,216 please don't misinterpret what we've said during today's 699 00:41:52,217 --> 00:41:54,483 session as a polite way of telling you 700 00:41:54,484 --> 00:41:56,649 to stop asking so many questions. 701 00:41:56,650 --> 00:42:00,316 If you have questions we encourage you to continue 702 00:42:00,317 --> 00:42:03,349 to pour them out to God in prayer and listen for Him 703 00:42:03,350 --> 00:42:06,616 to speak to you through His word. Also share them 704 00:42:06,617 --> 00:42:08,216 with other GriefShare participants 705 00:42:08,217 --> 00:42:11,416 and maybe even the Pastor of the church hosting your group. 706 00:42:11,417 --> 00:42:13,349 We're so thankful that you joined us 707 00:42:13,350 --> 00:42:15,916 for this important GriefShare session, 708 00:42:15,917 --> 00:42:18,816 In the coming week please review the notes you took while 709 00:42:18,817 --> 00:42:22,083 watching the video and complete the daily exercises found 710 00:42:22,084 --> 00:42:25,549 in your workbook, they'll help you reflect and focus 711 00:42:25,550 --> 00:42:27,449 on what we presented today. 712 00:42:27,450 --> 00:42:29,883 There is much more helpful information ahead 713 00:42:29,884 --> 00:42:33,016 on your journey through the GriefShare program. 714 00:42:33,017 --> 00:42:36,555 Be sure to join us for the next session, we'll see you then.